Screwtape’s 10 Tips on How to Lead

We’ve welcomed this controversial guest author before, and while we take issue with his suggestions, he unfathomably enjoys tremendous popularity with some segments of the country. With that, here are his 10 tips on how to lead (which he admittedly borrowed from some of his mentors):

On Leadership Transition

Immediately discredit and tear down all  work done by past leadership and proclaim: “I want to bring everything crashing down, and destroy all of today’s establishment.” [Bannon]

On Creating Confidence

Establish your superiority from the start. Here’s a good opening line: “My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.” [Trump]

On Creating Optimism

Focus on the upside, like this: “Everybody looks at the negative effects of global warming, but with the ice melting, the Northern Passage has opened up,” [Trump]

On Staffing – Human Resources

Avoid hiring immigrants and justify it by capitalizing on people’s fears (but always leave a tactful cookie crumb to maintain good relations with the immigrants). Here’s an example: “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. … They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.” [Trump] Instead, hire people like these: former chair of a news website described as fascist, misogynist, xenophobic and racist [Bannon]; an oil executive who stands to personally profit from influencing certain decisions made by the organization that may not be in the organization’s interests [Tillerson]; a banker who also stands to personally profit from influencing certain decisions made by the organization [Mnuchin]; a general nicknamed “Mad Dog” to lead complex and sensitive security matters [Mattis]; a person who joked that he thought the Klu Klux Klan was okay and referred to a white attorney who took on a voting rights case as a “traitor to his race” [Sessions]; a person who fails to disclose that he had been the subject of a congressional ethics probe [Price]; a person who started a club called “Fascism Forever” [Gorsuch]; people with no experience on the matters they’ll be in charge of [Carson]; and super-wealthy people who will owe you big-time later [DeVos].

On Racial Diversity

If you get asked about a person of historic importance to a minority group but don’t know anything about the person, just say something like this: “Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed.” And create connections by pointing people out: “Look at my African-American over here.” [Trump]

On Women (only for men)

Affirm your dominance and assertiveness by saying things like: “when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy.” [Trump] And call women names to establish their place in relation to you. Miss Piggy, dog, slob, disgusting animal – all work.

On Public Relations – Marketing

If dealing with bad press, provide “alternative facts” [Conway] and turn the blame around saying: “The media should be embarrassed and humiliated and keep its mouth shut and just listen for a while.” [Bannon] Then throw the attractive women a compliment to get them on your side: “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.” [Trump]

On Legal Compliance

Remember: “Rules are meant to be broken.” [Trump] If your actions are found to be unlawful by a court, say “our legal system is broken” and add that “it would be so great for our justice system if they were able to read a statement and do what’s right.” [Trump] Shift blame so it’s the fault of the “so-called judge” [Trump] and say that it’s “sad to see a judge go rogue like this.” [Spicer]

On Competition

Get tough: “Sometimes, part of making a deal is denigrating your competition.” But then deny the denigration at the same time as taking a second jab. Here’s a great example: “I never attacked him on his look, and believe me, there’s plenty of subject matter right there.” Finally, use tacit threats referring to “the Second Amendment.” [Trump]

On Security

Be vigilant always. Anyone … anyone can be a threat. “To assume that just because of someone’s age or gender or whatever that they don’t pose a threat would be wrong” [Spicer, referring to a 5-year old boy detained for several hours in connection with the Muslim Ban executive order]